Conspiracy Warning! – LOL

From Muh Borders:

Vintage Selfie! – LOL

From Radiosimplu96.4fm:

Old Men and Honesty! – LOL

From StevenHeroProductions LLC:

Guts and Balls! – Joke

From http://highoctanehumor.com/ Medical distinction between Guts and Balls There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We’ve all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions: GUTS – Is arriving home late after a night …

Hillbilly Rescue! – Joke

From http://highoctanehumor.com/ Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant. While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her …

Virtual Congrats! – Joke

From ” English JoKes “: Girl said: Dad, I’m in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in India and he lives in Alaska. We met on a dating website, became friends on facebook, had long chats on whatsapp, he proposed to me on skype, and now we’ve had 2 …

American Football Explained! – Joke

From “funny jokes & pics “: A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked it. “Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just …

Male Shopping Misconduct. – Joke

From  http://highoctanehumor.com/: After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from …

I speak Blonde! – Joke.

From ShArE ThE LaUgH: On a plane flight from Seattle to Chicago, a blonde was sitting in economy class. About half way through the flight, she got up and moved to an empty seat in first class. A flight attendant who observed this, went over to her and politely explained that she had to move …

Naval Scuffle US+Canada – Joke

From Buckle up, Bitches:   This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision. Canadians: Recommend …

Blonde confusion! – Joke

From ShArE ThE LaUgH: This blonde cop stops a blonde driver and asks for identification. The blonde driver looks all around in her purse and can’t find her license. “I must have left it at home, officer.” “Well, do you have any kind of identification on you?” asks the cop. … The blonde takes out …

Job Ad… – Joke

From cheleshere on ExperienceProject.com: A man goes into the Job Center in downtown Denver and sees an ad for a gynecologist’s assistant. Interested, he asks the clerk for details. The clerk says, “The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down, …

Expectations of a Somber Kind – joke

From Adriano Vandersypen:

Two Beggars – Joke

From  cheleshere on Experience Project:   Two beggars were sitting side by side on a street in Rome. One held a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people passed by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar holding the Cross. The …

Chicken? – LOL

What does a chicken ask itself before it crosses a busy road? Who gives a shit? I like mine crispy!

Don’t Mess With Senior Citizens! – Joke

From Buckle up, Bitches: A married couple is travelling by car from Victoria to Prince George. Being seniors, after almost eleven hours on the road, they were too tired to continue and decided to take a room. But, they only planned to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they …

Italian Wedding Night! – Joke

From The World According to Atlas : Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. “Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll take care of you.” So …

Forgot My Glasses! – Joke

From “funny jokes & pics “ : Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn’t do something useful with my time. Talking about my “doing something useful” seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation. She was “only thinking of me” and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. …

Balls to That! – LOL

Roflmao…almost.

Funny Restautant. – Joke

Live funny gags on this Youtube video:

Mohawk Fun – LOL

Nice one.

Terrible Case of CDS!

My friends, I need help! I have been diagnosed with severe case of Cuddle Deprivation Syndrome! I’ve taken to hugging lampposts, even unilluminated ones, and wonton, unnecessary licking of used postage stamps. To seek professional help seems a trifle undignified and could possibly be misconstrued and might also be illegal. I am in a leftover pickle …

Temperatures! – Joke

From my friend Ricki: :+18 C People from Hawaii put on the second blanket+10 C People from Helsinki turn off their heating system+2 C Italian cars don’t start0 C Distilled water freezes-1 C Expiration becomes visible. Russians eat icecream and drink cold beer-4 C Your dog jumps in the bed with you-10 C French cars …

Hamster Diagnosis – Joke.

From thesower on Experience Project. A man takes his hamster to the vet, and after a short look at the creature the vet pronounces it dead. Not happy with the vet’s diagnosis the man asks for a second opinion. The vet gives a whistle and in strolls a Labrador dog. The dog nudges the hamster around …

Priest Sipping Vodka – Joke

From http://www.thejokeyard.com/ A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, “When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get …

Donations??? – Joke

From ronanp on Experience Project. A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.  Nothing was moving.  Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, “What’s going on?” “Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they’re asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.  …

Country Wisdom! – Joke.

From Rickichickie: One day a farmer wrote to his son in prison, “Son I won’t be able to plant my potatoes this year because I can’t dig the holes. I know if you were here, you’d help me.” The son sent a reply, “don’t even think about diggin them holes pop, cuz that’s where I …

Darling, You Remind Me Of A Pearl! – Joke

Him: “Darling, you remind me of a pearl!” Her: “Awww, thank you, sweetheart!” Him: “Do you know how a pearl is formed, dearest?” Her: “No snuckums.”   Him: “Through CONSTANT IRRITATION!” *And that’s when the trouble started…*

Proofreading Is A Dying Art – Joke

From vector8 on Experience Project. Proofreading is a dying art, wouldn’t you say?  Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter This one I caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this.  It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was …

Lightbulb. – Joke

 From “funny jokes & pics “   I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted “CRAZY” then he would tell me to take a few days off.So I hung upside down on the ceiling and …